Pop 'n' Rock Stew Feb - Oct '04

Tonight we all thank Bono's God
It's them instead of me,
And kiss the ground that Bono trod
With deep humility.

Stretched out on his bateau mouche,
Jarvis Cocker talks so pouche.
Since he's moved to France, you see,
His Sheffield accent's gone oui oui.

'I'd vote for Robbie Williams.'
'I'd vote for Fatboy Slim.'
'I'd vote for David Bowie 'cos
My grandad looks like him.'

'I'd vote for the Eurythmics.'
'I'd vote for Fun Boy Three.'
'I'd vote for Culture Club and have
Boy George round for tea.'

'I'd vote for Red Hot Chilli
Peppers 'cos they rock.'
'I'd vote for Beyonce 'cos
She falls out of her frock.'

'I'd vote for Eminem.'
'I'd vote for Gary Glitter.
If he's good enough for Bush
He can be my babysitter.'

Stretched out on my easy chair,
Listening hard to 'Save a Prayer',
I close my eyes and think 'le bon',
The good die young and then they're gone.
Jim and Jimi, Otis, Marc,
Ian, Janis, in the dark.
Now they're dead they make more money,
And that's not very bloody funny.
The good die young, that's the laugh
And what we're left with is the chaff.

So Busted are Tories
But don't call them baddies,
They're just paying back
Their mummies and daddies.

They're proud of their roots
And those roots run deep,
Back to the eighties
When nannies were cheap.

Bryan Ferry, working class
Married into posh,
Became a squire (silly arse)
Now talks a load of tosh.

Bryan Ferry and his heir,
A pair of fighting cocks,
Bravely take on Tony Blair
For the right to kill a fox.

So, 'well-read' Madonna
Is to do an English degree.
A correspondence course, of course.
Oxford University.

How will she find the time?
A job, two kids and hubby,
And four hours each day in the gym
To stop her getting tubby.

Maybe she'll relax,
Maybe put on some pounds,
Maybe take a hiatus
From apeing hip young sounds,

Grow old with some grace,
Find some nice new friends,
Not the likes of Vinny Jones
With language that offends.

Elton may be right,
Her miming may be galling.
But better mute and erudite
Than godawful caterwauling.

Jamie Cullum wins a MOBO!
I'd give the twat a fucking ASBO!

Twenty something baby face!
As black as fucking Black Lace!

Tom Jones and Jools,
Jools and Tom Jones:
A couple of ghouls
With more meat than bones.

One sweaty old man
Who's lost what he had,
One middle-aged fan:
Can't get much more sad.